Continuing on the theme of self-talk, and given the benefits of a more positive and self-compassionate inner dialogue, it can be helpful to build awareness around how we talk to ourselves in order to moderate the not-so-good, or unproductive, things we might tell ourselves and try and inject more positive self-statements.

A first step in this process is to build awareness around our self-talk in general, which might sound obvious but is not always easy to do because of the intangible nature of what’s running through our minds at any given moment, especially if we’re busy or have a lot on our plates. (Or if we’ve never stopped to listen.)

As part of this process, we can start to understand the different patterns of negative self-talk that we are prone to (because all of us engage in negative self-talk as part of the human condition) as well as when we may be more susceptible to more negative or critical inner dialogue. Then, we have a better chance of catching the negative if and when it shows up and either ignoring it (rather than accepting it as fact) or changing it.

To help with this, below are some indicators of times when negative self-talk could be more likely to rear its ugly head. These aren’t exclusive or exhaustive, but might offer a jumping off point to start noticing what you’re telling yourself and what the effect is on your wellbeing.

1. Fluctuations in mood.

   Are you feeling more down or more anxious than usual? Or do you notice your mood shifting throughout the day or throughout a week more than normal? Whatever the reason, changes in mood can offer more opportunities or inroads for the inner critic to come center stage.
   

2. Check your motivation.

   Are you feeling unmotivated? Like it would take six energy drinks and week’s vacation before you could muster the wherewithal to get your normal tasks done? Lower motivation and energy levels can be a sign that negative self-talk is more prominent, and can also contribute to more pessimism (often because we’re tired and have less energy to challenge it).

    

3. Procrastinating?

   Do you find yourself putting things off or avoiding people, places, and things? This could be a sign that our inner narrative is working against us, maybe even trying to convince us that we’ll fail or something isn’t worth the effort.

4. Have a big, or even a small, change coming up?

   Have you noticed yourself feeling more agitated or anxious than normal, maybe because you’ve got an upcoming life event or change happening? Negative self-talk has a sneaky way of creeping in when we’re anticipating transitions or big life events, even if they’re good changes.

   
   Most of us don’t love change because of the inherent uncertainty involved, so sometimes we might start beating ourselves up as a way to cope, thinking we should or could be doing better instead of cheering ourselves on, or at least supporting ourselves, through the process.

5. Striving for perfection.

   Are you focused on getting everything “right” or trying to avoid “mistakes” so much so that you feel irritated or not like yourself? Perfectionism, or holding ourselves to unrealistic standards, can offer a wide-open window to negative self-talk.

Again, this list is not exhaustive. See if you can notice other times or circumstances when negative self-talk is more prominent for you.

Additional Takes on Self-Talk

Self-Talk via Psychology Today

“The Superpower of Compassionate Self-Talk” via Roberta Cheng, LMFT

“5 Negative Self-Talk Patterns: Origins and Impacts on Your Mental Health” via Mindful Health Solutions