Ask a lot of toddlers if they want to do something they'd rather not, and they'll typically have no problem telling you "No!"

Ask a lot of adults the same question, and results may vary.

It’s not always easy saying “no,” especially when we don’t want to disappoint someone or feel like there could be negative consequences, such as work not getting done or conflict with others.

We may say “yes” to things that we really don’t want to do or when everything inside of us is screaming to say “no” because the thought or fear of saying “no” is more uncomfortable than just agreeing. Or it’s just easier to say “yes” and deal with the consequences ourselves rather than upsetting anyone else.

However, if we're consistently saying "yes," even (or especially) at our own expense, it can take a toll on our wellbeing.

For example, we might overextend ourselves and therefore feel more stressed or even feel resentment towards people or situations because we don’t really have the time or energy to commit to whatever is being asked of us. Or, we could feel resentment if saying "yes" is enabling someone else to avoid the heavy lifting or doing their part in something.

If the resentment and stress builds up over time it can also lead to a battered sense of self-esteem because we are essentially putting others before ourselves.

Are there times when we will say “yes” even when we don’t want to? Sure, but if there’s a pattern of going against our own needs or preferences, we can also start to lose a sense of who are.

So how do you work your way to being more comfortable with saying “no”?

Buy yourself some time.

A lot of times we may agree to things we don’t want to do because we feel pressure to do so, whether that’s because it’s a loved one asking something of us or it’s at a job where we feel a sense of obligation or potential worry about performance and security.

So, if you can, can you buy yourself some time before replying?

Megan Bruneau, a therapist and executive coach, recommends saying, “Let me think about it,” in work scenarios. But any variation of that phrase could work in non-job situations, too.

Then, however much you’re open to it, can you really think or reflect on whether you want to or even can commit to what is being asked?

Imagine doing it and imagine not doing it and notice how each scenario feels. Do you feel relief? Do you feel tense? What thoughts come up for you with each decision? Why would you do it or not do it, truly?

The more clear we are on why we would be saying “no,” the easier it is to do so (and not second-guess ourselves later).

There’s the popular saying that “No is a complete sentence,” and it can be, but if we have a pretty good idea of why we might be saying “no” to something and can communicate that in a clear, simple manner, that’s also an empowering response.

As a last note, there are probably going to be times when we decide that the best decision is to say “yes,” and if we’ve had time to reflect on why we’re saying “yes,” then agreeing can feel like less of an obligation or burden and more of a choice.

Additional Takes on Saying “No”

“How and When to Say ‘No’” via PsychCentral

“If You Have Trouble Saying 'No,' Then Say This Instead” via Forbes

“The Power of Saying ‘No’” via Psychology Today