Have you ever found yourself fixating on the more negative aspects of a situation?

Maybe you’re in a job you don’t love, and all that you can focus on are the things you don’t like: the less-than-ideal salary, endless meetings, long commute, nosy coworkers, etc. Maybe the negativity follows you outside of work, too, and you notice yourself thinking about all the things you hate when you’re at home washing the dishes or when talking to family and friends. In fact, every time someone brings up the topic of work, you feel your body contracting into itself or you feel a weight come over you.

Likely, this type of mindset will contribute to feelings of stress and have an impact on our mood and motivation. It could even start seeping into other areas of life, where we might then start to look for more and more negatives.

But before you start beating yourself up for having a pessimistic attitude, there may be a reason why you are engaging in the negative sometimes.

Negativity bias

As human beings we are hardwired to look for the not so good in order to survive.

Back in the day, humans had to be on the lookout for things like looming predators, potential environmental threats, getting lost in the woods, etc. As things have advanced, most of us don’t have to stay alert for those types of dangers anymore, but our brains don’t know that.

So now, instead of scouting for predators we may be scanning for social cues that could indicate someone is mad at us or is judging us. Or we might think through all the things that could go wrong about a situation. It is our mind’s way of trying to keep us safe.

Now let’s say that we have experienced negative or painful experiences, like someone did outwardly judge us for something we said. There’s this idea called negativity bias, which suggests that we are likely to focus or fixate more on those negative experiences than on any positive experiences that we also might have had, like when people have complimented us or resonated with what we’ve said.

“Over and over the mind reacts to bad things more quickly, strongly and persistently than to equivalent good things,” Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist told the New York Times in an article on overcoming negativity bias. (It’s worth a read, especially till the end for insight into how to shift your focus away from the negative.)

An Extra Challenge

On top of negativity bias, if we are also dealing with things such as trauma, anxiety, perfectionism or challenging life circumstances that are weighing us down, then it can be a real bear to not focus on the negative sometimes.

For example, if we’re struggling with anxiety, we might be more prone to what are called cognitive distortions or negative thinking patterns, like catastrophizing, all-or-nothing or black-and-white thinking, “shoulding” ourselves, etc.

Let’s say, for example, that we struggle with social anxiety and consistently worry that we’re going to say the wrong thing. If we are talking to someone and get a sense, whether that’s through the other person’s facial expressions or behaviors, that they are taken aback by what we’ve said (even though we don’t know for sure if the other person is offended or surprised), then we might start thinking things like: “Why do I always say the wrong thing?” “I should have stopped myself before saying that.” “I’m always so stupid.”

These negative thoughts can then feed the fear and anxiety that we have around social interactions—which we might further avoid as a result—and therefore keep us stuck in a pattern of reacting to the anxiety rather than managing and working through it.

Most people on Earth will engage in unhelpful thinking patterns at some point or another. It’s natural. But if we do it too much, then we can get stuck on the negative or it can exacerbate things like anxiety or lead to self-sabotage when we want to make a change in our lives.

So what can you do?

First, can you extend yourself some grace and acknowledge that there may be a reason, or reasons, why you might tend toward the negative at times?

People sometimes balk at the idea of self-compassion, especially if they are used to being pretty hard on themselves, but the more compassion you can show yourself, the larger the window of opportunity for some positivity to creep in.

There’s a part of your mind that may try to FIGHT that idea (“Why should I be kind to myself—I’ll never get anything done, or I’ll become lazy or let everyone down.”), but, again, that’s just the part of your mind that is trying to keep you “safe,” and you can push back if you have awareness of what’s going on.

For example, if you catch yourself fixating on the not so good, can you take a beat (just pause) and turn your focus in that moment to something neutral or positive? It might be a seemingly small positive, like a warm cup of coffee or a joke you heard that day, but by shifting your focus, you are exercising control over the Negative Nancy side of your mind.

5:1

That same New York Times article on negativity bias mentioned above also references research that suggests that it can take up to five positive thoughts to outweigh one negative thought. (That’s how strong the negativity bias can be and how much work it can take to overcome it.)

So, if you catch a negative thought, can you try to come up with five positive thoughts?

Or, if that doesn’t work, because sometimes it’s too difficult to come up with five positive thoughts that feel genuine, can you instead orient to five positive things, like you notice someone smiling at you or someone holds the door for you or you notice how beautiful the sky looks.

If you can proactively keep orienting to the positive, see how it starts to affect your mood and outlook.

For example, as you shift your perspective, you might start noticing that you have some new, fresh ideas, like maybe you get an idea to take a day off of work or you come up with a method to reorganize your schedule in a way that better suits you and your needs rather than everybody else.

While the new ideas may not solve all your issues all at once, they might make the problems, or what seems negative, feel lighter and more bearable.

For more on how to challenge or even master negativity bias, check out The Power of Bad: How the Negativity Effect Rules Us and How We Can Rule It by John Tierney and Roy F. Baumeister.

Additional Takes on Negativity Bias

“After Depression, Our Brain’s Negativity Bias Lingers” via Greater Good Magazine
A look at why it can be challenging to break out of a negative thinking rut after experiencing depression.

“Is Positive Thinking a Mistake?” via Psychology Today
Not all negative thinking is bad. This article explores research suggesting some benefits to negative thinking and even references research that found a correlation between some pessimism and higher cognitive ability.