Do you ever struggle to slow down, unwind or take it easy?

Or, do you sometimes judge yourself or beat yourself up for taking time to engage in a hobby, spend time with loved ones, read a book, or just stare at a wall if you need to?

If so, you’re not alone. Given the temptation to always be busy or productive or to juggle 600 things at once, it can be difficult to allow ourselves time to do “nothing” or to genuinely decompress.

In fact, a recent study published in Science found that some people would prefer to give themselves mild electric shocks rather than spend time alone with their thoughts. 

“We had this idea that if we gave people a few moments in their busy days to just sit and slow down and be alone with their thoughts, that they’d find it really enjoyable and it would be relaxing and increase well-being,” Erin Westgate, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Florida who helped design the study, told Time.

But nope, many people instead preferred the discomfort of an electric shock over the discomfort of sitting with their thoughts and not acting on them—a situation that can be “incredibly cognitively intense,” Westgate said.

It’s true. Most of us probably have running to-do lists or line items of “shoulds” circling around in our minds at any given moment. It’s really hard to table those in favor of doing nothing, or what might feel like doing nothing, which can then bring up feelings like laziness or futility.

“We have for generations been brainwashed” to believe that being productive is better than resting, which can sometimes feel uncomfortable or even wrong, Celeste Headlee, author of the book Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving, told Time as part of the same article.

The drive to be productive is so ingrained that you can even find plenty of tips and resources on how to ”productively relax.”

And while being productive can lead to feelings of calm and relaxation, there can be nuance in the intent. For example, feeling a need to be consistently productive is different than feeling accomplished after completing something that’s necessary to get done.

How to Relax

Another modern phenomenon is to try and relax by scrolling on our phones or doing something technology related, which can sometimes provide temporary respite from life but isn’t always “nourishing,” according to some experts.

In an interview with the Guardian, clinical psychologist Rachel Andrew made a distinction between passive v. active technology use as a means of relaxation.

“Sometimes people describe not being engaged in what they’re looking at—totally zoning out, not knowing what they’ve done for the last half-hour,” she said. “You can view this almost as dissociation, periods of time when your mind is so exhausted and overwhelmed it takes itself out of the situation.”

Maybe that’s needed sometimes, but it may not be providing a sense of genuine relaxation, which should ideally feel restorative.

And, as you might imagine, genuinely being able to relax has a lot of benefits, including:

• Lower blood pressure

• Reduced stress and anxiety

• Better focus and concentration

• Improved sleep quality

So how can you incorporate more relaxation into your life?

1. Focus on being rather than doing. Even if it’s for five minutes at a time. If you’re incorporating an activity like reading or cleaning, see if you can catch and ignore the tendency to be productive—like counting the number of pages you’ve read so far or keeping track of how much you’ve cleaned or still have to clean.
   

2. Find what works for you. This can take some trial and error, but find things that are enjoyable, that allow you to lose track of the endless to-do’s and “shoulds”. Maybe you prefer doing something more mindful and inactive, like sitting outside and listening to the birds, or maybe you prefer something more active, like being outside and gardening.
   

3. Notice how you feel. If you’re trying to relax, and you notice yourself getting stressed out in the process, maybe because you’re trying too hard, try switching up your tactics. Try tabling it for another time or try something simpler (like breathing) to relax for a minute or two in order to take some of the pressure off.
   
   Relaxation should ideally help you feel more calm, not be another item on your agenda to cross off when you’ve completed it.

Additional Takes on Relaxation

“Playing with dogs helps people concentrate and relax, brain recordings show” via NBC News

“The Benefits of Relaxation and Relaxation Techniques to Try” via Psych Central

“Can’t Relax? Science Explains—and Helps Solve the Problem” via Psychology Today