We made it to the end of the year, and with that can sometimes come an inclination to reflect back on what we’ve been up to in the last 11 months—the fun times and good experiences, new people we’ve met, the wins, the losses and maybe even the disappointments.

If you’ve ever felt like you missed an opportunity or made a decision that didn’t turn out so well, then you’re probably familiar with the feeling of regret, which is actually fairly common.

In fact, a 2016 study found that people, on average, regret about 30% of the decisions they make throughout a given week. The same study also found that people forecasted the feeling of regret in 70% of the decisions they had yet to make, thus suggesting that anticipating the feeling of regret is far more common than actually experiencing it.

Whether we’re anticipating it or experiencing it, the feeling of regret can do a number on our outlook and self-esteem.

Regret can also contribute to a sense of being stuck.

Lingering on What Could Have Been

J. Kim Penberthy, a neurobehavioral scientist at the University of Virginia, explains that there are essentially two ways that we experience regret—the action path or the inaction path.

As you might imagine, the action path involves times when we’ve done something or taken an action that leads to an outcome we regret, whereas the inaction path is when we don’t take an action and miss an opportunity.

Penberthy also explains that, according to research, inaction-related regret tends to be harder to “fix” and can contribute to depression, anxiety, a feeling of being stuck and possibly even remorse over not knowing what might have been.

Action-related regret, on the other hand, is more likely to motivate people to take action to learn from their mistakes and make different decisions in the future.

In other words, with inaction-related regret, we’re more prone to fixate on the coulda, woulda, shoulda’s, and that type of rumination can sometimes distract us from new opportunities that may be showing up now or make it seem like we will never encounter anything as great as what we missed out on.

We can essentially become fixated on the thoughts and feelings of loss that we lose a sense of motivation or even hope and become stuck.

A Strategy to Help Reframe Regret

So what can you do if you find yourself ruminating about a situation that brings up feelings of regret?

Accepting the situation (even though that may be difficult) as well as finding self-compassion and forgiveness are all beneficial.

Another strategy can be to take a curious approach to the situation. Instead of looking at whatever happened, or didn’t happen, in black-and-white terms, can you instead speculate on what you might have learned from the situation?

Or, maybe imagine what might have happened if you had said “yes” to that opportunity or if things had worked out like you anticipated. You’re probably not the same person you would have been, and there are likely things you gained (even if they’re inner qualities like strength, humility or perseverance) because of the regretful situation.

Flexible thinking, which sometimes goes out the window when we’re feeling down about a situation or ourselves, can be helpful in navigating our way out of the “stuckness” that regret can sometimes create. It helps to transform the rigid way we might be thinking about something and makes room for new perspectives, maybe even positive ones.

A flexible mindset also allows for the possibility that the feeling of regret is a normal part of the human experience.

As cognitive behavior therapist Windy Dryden told the Guardian: “People who say ‘I regret nothing’ are either saints or stupid … . Regret based on flexible attitudes is the hallmark of mental health. It is a sign that you are engaged with life.”

Additional Takes on Regret

“Living with Regrets and How to Deal with Them” via Psych Central

“How To Deal With Regrets” via the Cleveland Clinic

“Regret Can Be All-Consuming; a Psychologist Explains How to Overcome It” via UVA Today