You don’t have to look far these days to find something to worry about. In fact, it may be taking more effort than usual to manage all the potential worries popping up via TV, work, social media, family/friends, or just being a human right now.

According to the American Psychological Association’s annual “Stress in America” survey last year, more Americans are showing symptoms of long-term, chronic stress since the COVID-19 pandemic hit.

As you might imagine, the more stressed we are, the more prone we are to worrying and anxiety, and a common coping strategy to help manage the worry is to try and predict or anticipate the future.

In other words, we may start pondering the “what ifs.”

What if I lose my job?
What if I get sick?
What if I can’t pay my bills?
What if something happens to my kids?
What if all my friends secretly hate me?

While it’s good to be prepared, this type of thinking can become unproductive and start to perpetuate or exacerbate feelings of worry and anxiety, meaning these types of thoughts, if left unchecked, can make us feel more worried and then more likely to react to the worry in unhelpful ways.

For example, if we have a persistent thought of “What if I can’t pay rent next month,” and we can’t challenge it, then we might start to notice mounting fears around finances so we get the idea to get a higher paying job or find a cheaper place to live.

The catch is, if we’re doing those things in a state of worry or panic, it’s more likely that we will end up in a situation that perpetuates a sense of worry, just in a different form.

For example, we might end up in a job that pays us more, but we don’t like the people or environment, or maybe we do find a more affordable place to live but now we have a two-hour commute to work.

If, on the other hand, we can catch the “what-if” thoughts and stop them (keep reading for some strategies on how to do that), then we can self-soothe and create a sense of inner calm, and from that state, we’re much more likely to come up with solutions that will offer longer-term satisfaction.

So it’s a balance of acknowledging concerns, as well as feelings of worry, and making a plan or finding a solution to the extent that we can with the information we currently have, without trying to forecast too far into the future because we aren’t there yet.

Also, if we get too far ahead of ourselves, we can miss out on opportunities or solutions that may be showing up in the present because we’re distracted by what we think should happen.

So what can you do to help manage the ‘What ifs’?

If …, then

One of the best strategies to help nip “what-if” thinking in the bud is to challenge the thoughts with “If …, then … “ statements.

For example, if you have the thought, “What if I lose my job?” you can try and challenge it by reframing it to, “If I lose my job, then I will reach out to my contacts to find another job; use my savings to spot me several months; do freelance work for a while, etc.”

Using this strategy doesn’t mean that we’re always going to like the potential solutions (ideally they should be somewhat positive, while also realistic, and not doom-inspired), but it can help to flip the inner narrative to one that is more empowered and confident rather than hopeless or helpless. That, in turn, will help to calm us and reduce feelings of worry.

What is the best-case scenario?

If we’re prone to negative thinking (for whatever reason), then a default when feeling uncertain and trying to predict the future is to anticipate a really terrible one. “What if I say what I think in this meeting and everyone thinks I’m an idiot and not qualified for this job and then I get laid off?”

Likely we’re not even going to have that level of awareness in the moment—we’re more likely to have the thought “What if I say this thing and people think I’m stupid?”—but it shows how the feeling of fear and a bias toward the negative can lead us to anticipating worse-case scenario.

So instead, can you try and imagine a best- or better-case scenario. So maybe the thought isn’t “What if I share my opinion, and everyone thinks I’m a genius,” but “What if I share my opinion, and it’s something no one else has thought of yet or it generates further discussion because other people were thinking the same thing?”

If we can get ourselves into that mindset, it will shift our inner state and we will be more likely to state our opinion with a sense of calm, and hopefully confidence, rather than a sense of self-consciousness.

Try and remain present

If you notice that “what-if” thinking is taking you down a rabbit hole where everything seems bleak and hopeless, it can be helpful to ground in the present moment.

You can use any number of different grounding techniques and then try and assess what is happening right now. What do you know for sure? What are the facts of the situation and what can you do about it in the present moment?

Taking one step at a time is sometimes that last thing we want to do when feeling anxious (We want all the answers right now, thank you very much.), but sometimes the only way out is through, or the only way to the answers we want is to start putting one foot in front of the other, seeing what happens, then taking another step, and so on and so on.

Try using the grounding exercises or self-soothing exercises throughout the process if you notice yourself reverting to “what-if” thinking. It’s normal to take one step forward, two steps back, three steps forward, etc.

Another therapist recently recommended the Motivation App as a way to send daily motivational quotes to your phone. You can even set it up to receive multiple quotes a day and tell the app the life areas you’d like to receive inspiration in (i.e. relationships, work, spirituality, etc.). The app offers a free three-day trial, and after that it’s $2.49/month.

Additional Takes on “What-If” Thinking

“6 Ways to Stop a Worry-Filled What-If Cycle” via Psych Central

“How To Stop OCD ‘What If’ Intrusive Thoughts” via Kimberley Quinlan, LMFT

“Reframing unhelpful thoughts” via NHS